Grace in Purgatory
by WookieCookie
Summary: When you realize love hurt like nothing else and you still crave for it, it's a definite sign that you're a human. Unbetaed


**For Darkened Dawn of Silence**

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This was how Yami dealt with loss of something very important, of the person who he'd promised so many things and vice versa-

_(I'll start eating spicy food less and more green, sheesh/ I won't abuse the word partner anymore, I pinky promise/ I can try to brood less and spend more time with you, because you know, you're worth it) _

-by sitting next to body that once was someone who had warmth, who whistled, talked, lectured, touched and kissed him and every little stupid thing counted no matter what because this was his- this was his _someone_.

On the metal table, Kurando's body, covered by white sheet, cold, pale, not breathing or twitching and Yami was sitting on a chair, just staring at the grayish-lined body with confused and tired eyes.

He thought about touching, maybe pinching but he was scared then the pretense would perish: that his lover was really not here anymore. World had claimed him when really it was Yami who wanted to hold him the most.

So he settled with just staring and thinking. He said, "I promised I'd be more honest with everyone, with myself. You promised you'd live forever, even when it was a stupid joke. I guess both of us couldn't keep such a simple promise. Or we're just really good liars."

He could almost pretend Kurando would say-

_(But you did keep your promise. I love you. I miss you and I'm so very, very proud of you)_

The corner of his lips' flicked upward in a reluctant smile.

Just for his sake, Kurando would never hurt a damn fly, would never take advantage of things that easily could be broken and used, would never throw a doubtful look at anyone without reasons, and and and- then _he_ was the one who hurt him in the cruelest way by dying, leaving and going to a place he couldn't follow.

It was the first and last time ever Kurando had dug a hole in his heart, placed it in the palm of his hand and squeezed until it bled silver blood.

"You were an absolute jerk."

Another voice, another voice, Kurando whispered _(Really now? Who's sitting near something he should have let go, hmm?)_

"I wanted to be so much more. I wanted freedom, I wanted a way out. I wanted so many things. But you just had to come into my life, made me fall in love and I was so angry. So damn angry because you didn't have that privilege to steal anything from me and yet you did anyway."

_No one should ever address the ones they loved with past tense._

"You became that annoying someone who I wanted to please, to keep safe, to do everything I could to make you look at me like I worth something to you, beyond hope and more because you were doing the exact same things. You were such an absolute jerk. What am I supposed to do now? I wanted to- wanted to-...marry me? I wanted to ask you that and I'd gladly wait and follow you until you were ready but now you're going to a place I can't follow and probably never will because I can never go to heaven. That's not where I'm going. I cannot catch up to you."

"Like I said, you were such an absolute jerk."

Sometimes you couldn't help but to wish the person who made you whole had never been in your life so you wouldn't have to deal with the pain when they were gone. Sometimes you couldn't help but to wish the person who made you whole had never been in your life so you wouldn't have to change yourself for the better only to realize in the end, it didn't matter anyway. Sometimes you couldn't help but to wish the person who made you whole had never been in your life so you would still be you.

Yami stood from his seat. The chair creaked against the old floor.

He looked down at the body of his lover.

Yami took his hand and whispered, "I'm going now."

_(Yami Yami, remember that time when-)_

_(I do actually)_

_(Yeah, life's such a son of bitc-…gun. But every second is worth living because the world is a huge freaking map and I'm pretty sure I'm just a tiny dot on it who still has more to see and learn, huh?)_

_(What are you, a philosopher now?)_

Yami laughed and he leaned down to kiss Kurando in the forehead - one last time.

"I'll be rewriting my own map now."

**X**

"You know." Yami's voice was steady and blank. No hint of smile or glee strapped somewhere in between it.

Yugi looked up to his friend.

"You know, since you saw me losing him," _forever_, he didn't add "In your eyes, did I break down?"

Yugi blinked before he smiled a wan, genuine smile. "Yes. However, it's the kind of break that can be mended."

"With time?" Yami questioned.

"With time." Yugi assured.

'_When you realize love hurt like nothing else and you still crave for it, it's a definite sign that you're a human'_

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**Written by Wookie**


End file.
